


Intimate with Brokenness

by LetsGoBeTheGoodGuys



Series: Sleeping at Last [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dad!Sam, Domesticity, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, References to Canon, Trauma, artist!jack, the first and most important tag as always:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28793337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetsGoBeTheGoodGuys/pseuds/LetsGoBeTheGoodGuys
Summary: Based on an anonymous prompt on Tumblr: "Jack used art to express himself when he was first born".
Relationships: Jack Kline & Dean Winchester, Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Jack Kline & Sam Winchester
Series: Sleeping at Last [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1645366
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Intimate with Brokenness

Sometimes Jack would get overwhelmed. That was the word Sam and Dean had begun using to describe it.

There were certain moments where Jack's emotions became too much for him and he struggled to communicate them.

"He's overwhelmed," Dean would say softly when Sam found Jack sitting on the floor, legs crossed, hands over his ears, face scrunched, Dean sitting nearby, but not too close. And Sam would also stay close and wait for Jack to be ready to talk.

After an episode like that, Jack often wanted some gentle comfort and Sam or Dean would hug him and sit with him, stroking his hair or just sitting with an arm around him and talking to him softly. But while Jack was so overwhelmed, he usually didn't prefer to be touched, so Sam and Dean learned to give him space until he made a move toward them.

They had been working on ways for Jack to release some of those too big, too heavy feelings in a safe way. But it turned out, Jack had already found that his art was a way to explore his feelings safely and without the need for difficult explanations.

So Jack kept a feelings journal.

When he was having a rough time, Sam would say, "Do you have any words for it?" And sometimes Jack did. He could explain that he was frightened or scared or confused. But other times the answer was no. And so Jack would pull out his feelings journal and draw or write until he had calmed down.

Sometimes he would share his journal with Sam and Dean, sometimes not.

Sam had learned recently that Jack had been drawing for longer than he or Dean ever knew. He certainly didn't call it a feelings journal from the beginning, but Jack had apparently always kept a notebook that he drew in when his emotions were too heavy and confusing and he had no one to share it with, since he had first moved into the bunker.

But as Jack's artistic ability flourished, Sam had encouraged him to keep drawing what he was feeling to help himself process his emotions or help Sam and Dean understand them when Jack shared the drawings from the journal with them.

* * *

Sam had just found Jack in his bed, covers pulled completely over his head.

"Hey, Jack?" Sam called softly.

The lump in the covers moved after a moment and Jack's head poked out, eyes bleary and hair messy.

"Hey, Sam," Jack said. His voice was quiet.

"You okay?" Sam asked instinctively. "Are you feeling overwhelmed?"

"I was," Jack said, "but I'm alright."

Jack sat all the way up and reached under his blankets, pulling out his journal, not the sketchbook he used for his day-to-day drawings, but the book Sam recognized from Jack's difficult moments.

Sam moved from the doorway and sat on Jack's bed, placing a hand on Jack's knee.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asked.

Jack was quiet for a long moment. Then he scooted over and wrapped his arms around Sam's ribs.

Sam returned Jack's hug solidly, not letting go until Jack pulled away. When he did, Jack looked up at Sam with a smile. "I like hugs," he said simply.

Sam could understand, a little, Jack's inability to find words for how he was feeling. But as he looked at Jack - his bright, curious eyes and his crooked smile, the little crease between his thoughtful brow - one word rang through his mind. _Ethereal_. The word had struck him when he had seen Jack use his powers before, so young, so powerful, glowing with the light of grace and stars and the weight of time, all that had come before and all that had yet to be.

_Ethereal_. The word still fit, even now, when Jack's glow wasn't literally visible. But Sam could still see it in his innocence, in his thoughtfulness, in his spirit. He was ethereal. And he was Sam's. A child, a warrior, a son. Radiant.

"I like hugs too," Sam said, voice conspiratorial as if it was a secret.

Jack nodded, clearly very pleased. He took his journal and placed it in Sam's lap. "Can I show you something?" he asked.

"Of course you can, Jack. If you want to."

Jack opened the journal and pointed to a page Sam had never seen before.

Sam found himself looking at a dark drawing from the beginning of Jack's journal. There were no clear images, everything was sharp points and smudged graphite, black and dark red. The image practically seemed to tremble as Sam looked at it. It was full of chaos and fear. Goosebumps raised on Sam's arms. "What is this one?" he asked. He looked up at Jack.

"This was Dean," Jack said quietly, his gaze focused downwards. "When I first met him. When he said that he would hurt me."

Sam blinked against the sudden burn in his eyes.

"Jack." Sam's voice shook. He didn't know what to say. After taking a moment to make sure his voice would be steady, he asked, "Has Dean seen this?"

"No," Jack replied. "I don't think he would want to see it. It would make him sad."

Sam nodded, thinking. Dean would definitely hate to be reminded of the way he had treated Jack when he first came to them. But Sam thought it might be good for Dean and Jack to talk about it anyway. He made a mental note to talk to Dean about it.

Before Sam could say anything else about it, Jack reached forward and turned his journal to the next page.

Sam looked down at the page that was open in front of him. This drawing was a lot different from the one before it. It was still difficult to make out any clear images, but the lines were softer and it was all drawn with light pencil strokes. There were little gold details drawn in around the edges of the page, like sparks of sunlight. It looked hopeful. Sam lightly traced a finger over the drawing, feeling where the paper was raised from the harsh lines on the page before. The terror of that first drawing was overpowered by this new one, although it hadn't made the fear disappear completely.

"What were you feeling here?" Sam asked. "Are you able to describe it?"

"This is you," Jack replied.

Sam felt his heart twist painfully inside his chest. He looked at Jack who was looking back at him steadily.

"It's... me?" Sam asked, not bothering to hide the tremor in his voice.

"You were so nice to me," Jack explained. "You made me feel not so scared."

Now Sam was the one feeling overwhelmed. He closed the journal with shaking hands and set it aside. Sam didn't even notice the tear running down his cheek until Jack put his hand on Sam's face and clumsily wiped it away. Sam turned to face Jack, reaching up and taking Jack's hand, bringing it down to hold it in both of his own hands.

"Thank you for showing that to me, Jack," Sam said.

Jack seemed a little confused. "What are you feeling? Are you feeling sad?"

Sam recognized that Jack was parroting back the way he and Dean often asked about how Jack was feeling. Jack was so young, but he had grown up so differently from a normal kid. The different ways emotions were expressed and how differently they could feel in certain moments were something he was working hard to understand.

"No, Jack," Sam said. "I'm happy."

Jack nodded sagely, something apparently clicking for him about that. "Dean told me that people cry for a lot of different feelings. Anger and fear and sadness, but sometimes happiness and love."

"This time it was for love," Sam said.

Jack smiled again at that, and that word came back to Sam's mind again. _Ethereal_.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Son"


End file.
